Mama
by ERROCKSMYSOCKS
Summary: Olivia is having nightmares. Can Elliot help her and get to the real Olivia? What has she been hiding all these years?
1. Chapter 1

_Olivia lay sleeping in the crib. __Serena was out drinking as usual. Little Olivia was all alone.

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"Olivia, my office. Now." Cragen's voice echoed through the station._

"Yeah Cap?" She asked popping her head in.

"Olivia, I think you should come in and sit down." He suggested as a man closed the door behind her. "Your mother had an accident." Those were the last words she remembered hearing from that conversation. Her mother had died. Her mother had been drunk.

_"What's for dinner?" That should have been Olivia asking her mother. Instead, her mother would demand dinner be ready when she got home. Whenever that was. Olivia had learned to have a salad in the fridge at all times so that whenever mama got home there was something quick she could throw on a plate while she speedily prepared the rest of the meal. This was how to avoid being punished.__

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**Elliot heard a thud and jolted awake. "Damn." He muttered. He'd been having a nice dream. He and Olivia had been on the beach. What could be better than a nice ocean fantasy?****

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"See, she's got the right idea. Leave the father's side blank." She remembered Munch's comment. It had been innocent. He hadn't known. She remembered her cheeks flushing. She was ashamed, of course. She was the daughter of a monster; a rapist. She often wondered why her mother had gone through with the pregnancy.

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_"Don't touch me! No!" She could hear her mother scream as she slept. Olivia would bury her face in the covers. These were the moments she was being conceived. These were the sounds of her mother reliving them. She hated herself. Ever day she'd look at herself knowing that every time her mother had to lay eyes on her she could see the monster who hurt her. That monster was a part of her. At least that was what she thought. __

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**Olivia was far from a beach. She was equally far from a fantasy. She was trapped in a nightmare, tossing and turning, moaning.**

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"I hate him for what he did to you." She remembered telling her mother that. But her mother was right. She was here because of him. She hated him for that too. Sure she grew up without a father, but why couldn't he have died saving a family from a fire? Why couldn't he have been anything but what he was? Or, why was her mother an alcoholic? Couldn't she get at least _one_ decent parent? The answer was no. She was stuck with what she got. With what she was; the daughter of a rapist and a drunk. Some genes, she really hit the jackpot eh?

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_"Please don't hurt me anymore!" Olivia would beg. "Please, you're hurting me!" Her mama was drunk again. _

"Get out!" Her mother yelled.

"But mama, it's winter!" Olivia's eyes grew wide as she scooted deeper into her closet.

"GO!" Serena screamed. "NOW!"

Olivia had no choice. The seven year old went out to the back porch which was fenced in. She pulled her sleeves trying to get warm but she couldn't. She sighed almost completely numb. "I'm sorry Mama." She whispered through her chattering teeth and blue lips. She closed her eyes and fought the wave of exhaustion as hard as she could. "Please." She begged one more time before falling asleep.

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**Elliot heard her begging and he heard her pain. He debated waking her up but decided not to. He wanted to know more about her past. Besides, if he woke her he might scare her.****

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TBC if you guys want. Reviews let me know.

Hannah+


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Hey y'all! I'm baaaack. It's break so I can update. :D Review away!

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_She'd been out there for ** THREE ** days! She was beyond caring. She couldn't move; she was too weak and she was sure she was dying. Every breath brought stabbing pain in her chest. She had a horrible cough and had lost whatever weight she'd started out with. Finally, Serena caved. "Alright, you may come back in now." She said as she held the door open._

_Olivia looked longingly at it but couldn't move. It was enough effort just keeping her eyes open and her chest rising._

_Serena came out and scooped her little girl into her arms as gently as she could. "Mama's very sorry." She whispered sadly as Olivia closed her eyes.

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"Fine, quit. Throw away the good you've done and the good you'll do over one mistake." She remembered Cragen's words clearly. She could never quit SVU. These people needed her. She didn't want other people to go through the pain she and her mother had gone though. That, and the anger she had towards the perps.

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**Elliot really started to worry when Olivia went limp. He went over to her and laid his hand on her forehead. As he had expected, she was warm. Her shirt was soaked in sweat.

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_Olivia found herself under the covers in her bed still unable to get warm. Her mother was watching her with tears running down her cheeks. 'She didn't mean to.' Olivia thought to herself as she looked around._

_"Olivia!" Serena exclaimed. "Thank God! Baby, you Ok?"_

_Olivia started to nod and say yes but all that came was a squeak followed by more coughs. They were wet, raspy coughs and they hurt her so badly. Serena was worried enough to take her daughter to the hospital. She had a fever of 102 degrees and looked as bad as she sounded._

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"And I'd like your balls in a blender but aint life a bitch!" Olivia hated these types of perps the most. They were cool and calm. They weren't bothered in the least by the vicious crimes they'd committed. They destroyed people's lives and she felt so helpless not being able to punish them. There was nothing she could do to make them miserable like the made others.

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**He swallowed hard as he saw her coughing. It was obviously painful. He thought about getting Cragen from his office but decided there was nothing the captain could do that he couldn't. Besides, she'd be more comfortable to wake up with just himself there.

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_"I just wanna go home…where's my mom?" She asked the nurse in a weak voice._

_"She'll be back, she just had some…business to take care of. Don't you worry sweetie." This one was nice, but Olivia wasn't fooled.  
"She didn't mean to…it's my fault…I want to go home now." She tried again._

_The nurse gave her a small smile. "I'll see if I can find her, okay?"_

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"Halfway down the block, moving slowly." She'd relayed the information to Fin about a victim. The weird thing about that one was that there was some supposed psychic who really got Elliot off. He was beyond pissed, she remembered that. The mother actually believed the guy. "Nail some skirt" is what it had been called.

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**He was thirsty. Really thirsty, he realized. He had been watching her for a while. He decided to get up and grab a quick soda from the pop machine. He really didn't want to leave her, as weird as it was, he was desperate to know more.**

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_She was home again, finally. With mama. Finally. Mama was taking care of her. She smiled a little, sipping her apple juice and watching a cartoon. "Mama!" She called, still just a little raspy._

_"Coming, princess!" Serena called to her smiling little girl. "What is it?"_

_"Watch some TV with me?" She looked up hopefully as her mother took a swig of her beer._

_"Oh, uh, honey..I don't think I can, baby. I gotta go to work pretty soon, huh?" She smiled a fake smile._

_"Oh…" Olivia looked down sadly, coughing lightly. "Okay, maybe when you come home."_

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She remembered a particular case where no one really knew who did it. She remembered Biggs. He molested kids, but she felt sorry for him. He'd been molested too. So much of her job was working with people who had been molested and were then molesting others. It was hard. Many times she'd think of quitting, but never could bring herself to do it. First she'd thought it was Deacon Brinn but when he was murdered her thoughts shifted to Avery Shaw. Couldn't have been him though, they had it on tape. The wife? Yes, the wife. Such a hard case. Everyone confessing to something, denying something else. She'd been stalked.

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**She looked disappointed, but slightly more peaceful. She was still sweating though. He decided it was about time to wake her up when she went into another fit.**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry it's so short. Next one will be longer, promise. If you review, that is. If not there will not be a next one.

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"Olivia." He said as he placed his hand gently on her shoulder. "Wake up." 

Her eyes shot open and she was gasping for air. "What…what?" She asked frantically.

"Hey, take it easy. You've been sleeping for hours."

"Oh. Oh. Sorry, I-" he cut her off.

"No. You need to go home. I'm gonna take you home, and then we'll talk, okay?" He ordered.

"Elliot…I'm fine, okay? I AM FINE." She sat down again on the bed, suddenly tired.

"Olivia, do you want me to get Captain? He'll send you home…You need to come home. Do you remember having any dreams?" He asked.

She looked at him quizzically. "Dreams?" She tried to think back to what she'd been dreaming. "Oh.." she said quietly. She couldn't remember it, but she had a guess. "I uh, I'm not feeling very well. Maybe I _will_ go home."

Elliot nodded, glad she wasn't putting up much of a fight. "Come on. You okay to walk to the car?"  
"Of course. I'm not sick, sick. Just a little under the weather. Probably a cold or something." She walked with him. "I can really get home myself…you don't have to come with me." She hoped he'd take the hint.

"Olivia, let's go." He got into his car. "I'm taking you home."  
She sighed and got in. He was so stubborn. She laughed a little just thinking about how difficult he must be to live with, but how much she'd love to try.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, let's just go. I want to get home and sleep."

"Again? You've been sleeping all day. We need to talk." He had to know more. He had to help her. He wasn't even sure how he could do that, or what she needed, but he knew he had to help her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

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"Liv…we're here.." Elliot got out of the car. He went around and opened her door. She sighed and followed him to the door, pulling out her key and letting them in.

"Thanks Elliot." She said, expecting him to leave.

"No problem. Now…can I get you anything?" He asked.

"No thanks..I don't think so. I think I'm just going to go bed…I'm sure I'll be alright tomorrow. See you." Again, she hoped he'd take the hint.

"I don't think so." He snorted. "Nice try though."

She sighed again and sat down. "What do you want to know?" She asked, defeated.

"What happened? Do you remember what you dreamed about?" He was dead serious.

"No." She answered too quickly. Her eyes met his and she couldn't contain herself anymore. She didn't even know why but her cheeks flushed and hot tears spilled out of her eyes.

He was caught a bit off guard but it didn't effect him. He pulled her into his arms without a word. He just held her there, not moving, for close to twenty minutes until she finally started to drift off. It was then that he spoke. "Olivia.." He started. "Talk to me, please."

She sniffed and pulled away. "I don't know what to say…I'm sorry…I'm so embarrassed, I'm so sorry…" She blushed. She couldn't believe she'd been that week in front of him.

"Don't be sorry and don't be embarrassed, okay? I promise you everything is going to be alright, just talk to me. Whatever it is, you can talk to me. Okay? Please, just talk to me."

She nodded slowly and answered shakily. "I…whenever I get sick…even just a little sick, I get these nightmares. They're more like…Not nightmares. I don't know. They're more like flashbacks. I don't really know…" She was getting upset again, just thinking about it. She started to feel really sick. "I'm sorry." She stood up & ran to the bathroom to throw up.

Elliot ran after her, getting a cold, wet washcloth and sitting on the floor with her, rubbing circles on her back. "Easy.." he whispered. "Breathe."

She nodded, indicating that she was done, and laid back in his arms. "I'm sorry." She whispered again. "You don't have to stay, I'm fine now." She tried to get up but fell back, landing on the floor, more embarrassed than when she'd started. She got incredibly angry with herself as she felt the tears again.

"Come on, we have to put you to bed now." He said quietly as he helped her up. "Hold on to me, I won't let you fall." He promised.

She was so humiliated. 'Kill me already' was all she could think as he pulled the covers up and tucked her in.

"Olivia…can you talk to me about your…dreams? Flashbacks? Whatever they are?" He begged. "Please, Liv…I want to help you."

She shook her head. "I can't…El, I'm okay. It's only when I'm sick. I can deal with it." This part was true. At least it wasn't all the time, right?

"Olivia…I know you _can_ deal with it. I also know that you don't have to. I don't want you to. Please just talk to me! What do I have to do to get you trust me?" He was getting frustrated and feeling entirely helpless, which was a feeling that Elliot Stabler did not do well with.

"Okay…I'm sorry…I just don't know how to talk about it…I trust you, Elliot. I really do. I…Here goes…"

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A/N: More? I dunno. Review. I'm sorry my updates suck lately...I'm trying really hard to keep up in school. 


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